holly.the.nomad

I fell in love with him so He could show me how much I needed HIM.

He made me hurt so I could know how it feels when I turn away from Him.

He had me be honest with my feelings, to put myself out there so that I would know what faith should be.

He was even goo denough to give me something out of the break in my heart; a friend, a darn good friend at that.

So, duh.

Maybe I will cry about this later, but now I feel free.

My trial is over for now.

Thanks for summer 2010.

Thanks for letting me hold a boy’s hand, and spend many a starry night wishing for him, and filling my days with lovesick thoughts of a happy future.

For teaching me humility and proving that jealousy corrupts.

So, duh.

Everything changes so fast. I needed to be prepared. Now I know more about God, and myself.

Thank you Dad, thank you Nina, thank you Ashley, thank you Aaron.

You got me where I am today.

I am so tired.

I woke up and thought of you. As I go to sleep I think of you.

I wait for you.

There is no time, there is only when I am talking to you and when I am not talking to you. I used to make fun of girls who would talk about being in love.

If only I knew.

This hurts so much.

I thought love was supposed to feel great;

Because parts of it do.

My heart beats faster; it is more alive.

But most of this is waiting.

Waiting for you to call.

I am pathetic.

I feel jealous every time you are with her. I was hurt when you said you couldn’t make it,

Only then I found out that you were with her, at the park; out for smoothies; at your house.

I know I shouldn’t feel jealous because you are not mine.

But I want you more than any other person I have ever known.

You are my satellite.

You are that light that keeps my eyes to the stars, thinking of the future.

A future where I can hold your hand, and we will act like its no big deal.

The future where I can look into your eyes without having to look away.

That brave future where you hold me because I love you and you love me.

Why don’t you love me?

I lie to myself over and over that you do.

You held my hand once. We rode a dirt bike together.

My head rested perfectly between your shoulder blades.

Your hands were sweaty, and I could hear your heart beating through your shirt.

I don’t care that you are skinny and tall,

Or that you speak a different language, or have different friends.

I just love you.

I’m going crazy for you.

I want it all to stop. Or I want it all to begin.

I love you.

I am afraid that I might need you.

I’m afraid you won’t be there.