I fell in love with him so He could show me how much I needed HIM.
He made me hurt so I could know how it feels when I turn away from Him.
He had me be honest with my feelings, to put myself out there so that I would know what faith should be.
He was even goo denough to give me something out of the break in my heart; a friend, a darn good friend at that.
Maybe I will cry about this later, but now I feel free.
My trial is over for now.
Thanks for summer 2010.
Thanks for letting me hold a boy’s hand, and spend many a starry night wishing for him, and filling my days with lovesick thoughts of a happy future.
For teaching me humility and proving that jealousy corrupts.
Everything changes so fast. I needed to be prepared. Now I know more about God, and myself.
Thank you Dad, thank you Nina, thank you Ashley, thank you Aaron.
You got me where I am today.
I am so tired.
I woke up and thought of you. As I go to sleep I think of you.
I wait for you.
There is no time, there is only when I am talking to you and when I am not talking to you. I used to make fun of girls who would talk about being in love.
If only I knew.
This hurts so much.
I thought love was supposed to feel great;
Because parts of it do.
My heart beats faster; it is more alive.
But most of this is waiting.
Waiting for you to call.
I am pathetic.
I feel jealous every time you are with her. I was hurt when you said you couldn’t make it,
Only then I found out that you were with her, at the park; out for smoothies; at your house.
I know I shouldn’t feel jealous because you are not mine.
But I want you more than any other person I have ever known.
You are my satellite.
You are that light that keeps my eyes to the stars, thinking of the future.
A future where I can hold your hand, and we will act like its no big deal.
The future where I can look into your eyes without having to look away.
That brave future where you hold me because I love you and you love me.
Why don’t you love me?
I lie to myself over and over that you do.
You held my hand once. We rode a dirt bike together.
My head rested perfectly between your shoulder blades.
Your hands were sweaty, and I could hear your heart beating through your shirt.
I don’t care that you are skinny and tall,
Or that you speak a different language, or have different friends.
I just love you.
I’m going crazy for you.
I want it all to stop. Or I want it all to begin.
I love you.
I am afraid that I might need you.
I’m afraid you won’t be there.